Mortified by Mediocrity
Are You Too Smart to Fail?
Mortified by Mediocrity
Many assumptions are made about *smart people.* It’s important to see what is actually true. Often there is a sense of being an impostor and that if people knew the real you, they would realize you are not as smart as they think you are. Those fears of being found out as a fraud are often coupled with deep fears of failure or being seen as average or mediocre. Efforts to excel can be misread as arrogance. You might be terribly disappointed by the human race. Like everything else in the rainforest, it is complicated.
Are You Too Smart to Fail?
You don’t like to fail. In fact, you may be terrified of failure, and you have trouble not seeing any minor mistake as a monumental failure. Right? Am I in your head? Yeah? It’s pretty wild in here. So many monkeys.
What is failure? What are the advantages of failure? Why do I think you should start failing as soon as you can, especially if you’re a parent?
Just so we’re clear, I’m not suggesting that you begin to fail as in become a serial killer. Start a cocaine habit. Forget to pick your kids up at school for several days. Just so we’re clear.
You weren’t born afraid to fail. Watch a child learning to walk. Lots of failing. Early learning includes much trial and much error. When did you become too big to fail? Now, do you worry that you’re too smart to fail?
If you were a fast learner, if you were an early reader, if you used words like “entomology” when you were five, if you were told over and over how smart you were, if there were piles of praise every time you aced a test, you may have felt that your abilities and achievements were what made you worthy, what made you lovable. You may have concluded that anything less than perfect was a failure, and failure meant you were not such a smart person after all.
It’s time to start failing.
You don’t have to fail like Steve Jobs and be fired from the company you created. Small “failures” will be fine for starters. Excellence instead of perfection, for example. A grade of B on your final exam. A loud emotional outburst in the middle of a board meeting.
Eventually, you may even rethink the word failure. Instead, you’ll make a mistake, an error, a gaffe, a blunder. Small stuff. No big deal. Even if you experience an actual failure, you’ll know it’s something that you do, not something that you are.
Trust me. You’ll still be smart. You’ll still be lovable, and you will learn much more from failure than you’ll ever learn from success. Your children will thank you.
And your stand-up comedy routines? They’ll be so much funnier.
Paula- This is a great reframe for those who are confronted by failure: "Eventually, you may even rethink the word failure. Instead, you’ll make a mistake, an error, a gaffe, a blunder. Small stuff. No big deal. Even if you experience an actual failure, you’ll know it’s something that you do, not something that you are." A great reminder for sure. Hope you're well this week? Cheers, -Thalia
Ah, yes, the failure of being a failure by method of failing. It's a conundrum and definitely complicated; also nice to hear you say failing is a thing you do, not a thing you are. Thank you for another insightful post!